I have been divorced. Twice. This used to be a place of great shame for me. Maybe like you, I never thought I would divorce and felt completely unprepared for the pain. I was scared no one would trust me again if they thought I had failed. I was scared I would never recover from the wounding or figure out who I really was. Then I found out this WAS the path to finding out who I truly was. Now I use my education, insight and expertise to help others find the same positive transformation in their lives. You ARE going to make it. Take it from someone who questioned everything in her life – twice – and is now the strongest, clearest, happiest person she knows! Let’s help you find that inside you too.
When you realize that the power of your intention influences the outcome of everything, you will realize what a powerful creator you are. You are now in charge solely on how your life is going to proceed and what you are going to attract. The biggest tool in attracting what you want is being intentional about your motives.
This means checking in with yourself and listening to the emotional and physical messages your body gives you when making decisions. Keep your choices aligned with the positive energy of strength, clarity and flow, instead of the negative energy of shame, guilt or revenge.
Yes, I know this is difficult. But once you get further away from the emotional chaos, you will gain strength and clarity.
I want you to ask yourself this question three times before making decisions: “Why are you really doing this?” If you feel heaviness in your gut (negative energy), then you want to rethink your motive. If you feel lightness in your gut (positive energy), then you know to follow that choice.
Even if you were wronged in the marriage, be willing to take a new perspective on things just for yourself. Pull out of the blame game and look at areas where you want to grow. This is not about going back and rehashing anything, and it is definitely not about feeling guilty or ashamed (those feelings never promote growth).
This is about creating a flow of acceptance and change in your life. This tells the Universe, “I want to grow forward.” If you want to attract someone into your life that is in closer alignment with your desires, create a willingness to transform to become your best you too. Find some places where you want to grow and expand your life by doing things differently.
Maybe you lived in a place that was inauthentic to who you truly were. My guess is that you were challenged with the truth and sometimes mystified by it. Now is your chance to create the authentic life you desire.
Remember, the more truthful we are about WHO we are, the more likely we are to come into our real selves…and eventually line up with someone else who has the same clarity.
Find ways to continue to clarify your truth. This does not mean belittling another person so your ego can gloat. This means finding a safe, healing space to get out any negative energy that is trapped and start formulating the positive voice that wants you to find happiness.
Write it down. Talk to a therapist. Start your blog. Go back to step one, check your motives and make sure that you are creating a pathway that is healing and empowering.
Nita Blum / Blums Brandhouse
One of the biggest gifts for me after divorce was FREEDOM. Freedom to now make choices based on what I needed. One of the biggest stress relievers is giving yourself permission to escape from things that are no longer pleasing to you.
This means refusing to engage in any communication that is toxic and not being obligated to do things that made you feel resentful. Take a well-deserved vacation from your usual surroundings and consider travel therapy.
When you return, clear your space of things that bring negative memories back. Sage your house to reset the energy and take time every day in nature. Be purposeful about removing yourself from things that feel negative and bring in things that feel good to your soul. Be curious. Feel passion. Relight your fire with new adventure.
5) OFFER COMPASSION
When you can fully lean into this step, you have come a long way in your healing. This is two-fold: offering compassion to yourself and your ex. I know this sounds difficult. Let me explain why this is good for you.
First, offering compassion to yourself for whatever happened means validating that you were doing the best you could do with what you believed to be true at the time. It means letting go of any feelings of guilt, shame or regret. It means looking in the mirror and saying, “I love and accept you completely.”
Finding a place of compassion for your ex means recognizing their humanity too. Realize that they also acted out of their own fears and belief systems, and that you both have the opportunity to grow.
When you are able to silently say the following, you will clear toxins from your body: “My ex hurt me, but they came into this relationship with a different history and belief system than me. They were carrying all of that crap from their family and their past that had nothing to do with me. They were also doing the best they could do, and I feel compassion for the pain they must have been in to act the way they did.”
6) NEW YOU
Finally, you get to let go of the old you that was unhappy and create the new you that is ready for freedom, adventure and joy! Pay attention to the belief systems and language that keep you going backward. Realize that moving forward means rewiring yourself a bit, and that starts with the thoughts you keep thinking. Remember, thoughts become beliefs become experiences.
Decide that you are going to believe in yourself in a new way and refuse to go back and relive useless pain. While I do want you to heal any traumas or lingering issues in specialized therapy (I did), when you feel lighter, you can choose to stop suffering. The new you is going to choose new things. Shifting a thought or a statement completely recreates your reality in that moment.
Break free from the belief that you have to be afraid, in pain or confused. Start saying, “Everything is going to work out for me!” You are in a new life, and you can create whatever you want, starting right now.
Dr. Karin Luise is an award-winning author, whole life coach and host of “The Dr. Karin Show.” Find Karin at DoctorKarin.com, thelightersidenetwork.com and thefatherlessdaughterproject.com. Facebook @DR. KARIN; Instagram & Twitter @DoctorKarin